No, they don’t.
So, this year Christmas definitely felt different (and I don’t mean Brett’s wind-sprints in my belly). I don’t know, it was more – low key? First of all, I usually try to look nice for family get-togethers. This year, it was enough to put make-up on. Seriously. When you see your face expanding in the mirror it’s hard to feel pretty. I don’t mean to come off sounding vain, but yeah.
Anyway, and I didn’t really “feel” like doing a lot of Christmasy things this year. We did bake all 900 cookies a couple of weeks ago, which was a little more fun than I’d anticipated, but I didn’t even really want to have Christmas. Christmas Day, actually, I woke up feeling incredibly depressed. I didn’t even get out of my pajamas until it was almost time to leave. I didn’t even want to leave the house. I am not sure exactly why I felt that way, but I did. I think part of it was finding out the day before that my entire family had plans that did not include me on my 30th birthday. Yeah, that was rough. I had been anticipating this birthday for a couple of years now, always knowing it would fall on a Saturday and secretly hoping someone would throw me a big party. Not happening this year, at all (but on a side note, my girlfriend Tina and her hubby Rick are now coming down that weekend – and Tina and I are going to do a spa day which I am looking forward to). I think that was part of it, and then my hormones have been all over the board. I actually started crying uncontrollably on the way to Christmas at my brother’s house. People passing by in cars probably thought someone had died. I hardly ever cry, so this was pretty crazy. I don’t know… I just ended up feeling so incredibly sad.
Beyond that, we drove to Chicago for Steve’s family Christmas this past weekend. Again, I just wanted to stay in and not venture out. I almost told Steve to just go without me, picturing not getting out of bed for like 3 days. We did go and it was nice, but depending on my mood I am extravertedly comfortable or a total introvert. I was in complete introvert mode all weekend and when I feel that way, usually a stiff drink will bring me out of my shell. Fat chance this Christmas! Don’t get me wrong, everyone was nice and all, but I just couldn’t relax. I was so exhausted from sheer tiredness as well as mingling that I ended up going to bed pretty early.
It didn’t help also that the next day we opened presents and my in-laws were clicking pictures. I understand that they want to record memories, I do. But, as someone who usually works really hard to maintain their figure (non-pregnant Carrie would run 3-5 miles a day), it is really hard that I am blowing up like a whale. I know, the vanity thing again makes me sound horrible, but I am very sensitive about pictures right now. I have a few taken of me where I can stand to the side and show my belly, but to look at me facing forward with my full whale-like girth is another story. I politely asked not to have my picture taken but I was not that lucky. To my horror, I saw while looking through them that I have a bit of a double-chin. I have NEVER had a double chin in my life before. That made me almost cry. Now the double chin will be displayed for all in the digital picture frame (sigh).
My mood did perk up a little bit when we got together with Rick & Tina for New Year’s. They have a little boy, Evan, and it was fun to see how he is growing and what he’s up to. I felt like I learned a little bit about having my own little man. And, I am starting to see the light at the end of this pregnant tunnel….