Tuesday, October 7, 2008

6 Introspective Questions

Okay, Cathy, I am filling out your questionairre!

This one is good.... all moms, I urge you to continue it.

From The Mommy Diaries: Owning your own adventure

1. What surprised you most about yourself once you became a mother? I was suprised at how I immediately became less selfish. Suddenly it wasn't all about me and what I wanted anymore. And, I embraced it! I was so concerned with how I'd feel once I lost my DINK status. But the truth is that motherhood is so fulfilling, you wonder why you were so concerned about owning designer jeans for so long. Why did I put this off until I was 30? It makes me wish I could reverse the clock and go back a couple of years and start my family earlier. It's great that Steve and I were able to enjoy a few cruises and going out whenever we wanted. But really, you can't get time back. And now I feel like I'd like to have more than 2 kids. And, I don't want to be so old by the time I have the last one that I can't even play with them anymore.

2.Did you find that people looked at you differently than before you were a mother? Yes, in fact I do. I never gave much thought to this. In reality, I never desired to have the keys to "the club". Steve and I always knew we wanted kids, but I never had the deep burning maternal desire UNTIL AFTER I had one :). Now, I can't imagine life any other way. And now I also look at mothers in a completely different light. Like we were at Denny's a couple of weeks ago (yep, I hadn't been since college, but I wanted breakfast :)). The hostess immediatley began a conversation with us about her 6 month old daughter. And we had so much to talk about with her. It was her first child too. Her kid is long and lanky too and has trouble finding clothes like Brett. I never would have had that conversation if I wasn't a mother. In fact, I probably wouldn't have said much more than "hi" and "bye" to her.

3.How do you feel you have changed since motherhood? How haven't I changed? I feel like my love and compassion run deeper than they ever have. I feel like I have so much more love and respect for my husband, and I feel more scared and vulnerable than ever before (read my previous post!). I feel like I am still the same person. My same core values and morals are instilled within me, but I also feel like I have been given a new set of eyes to see what is important and what's frivolous in this life.

4. Are there parts of yourself you feel you've lost and you deeply desire to regain? At this point, not really to be honest. I thought I'd be devistated when pregnancy changed my body. And, you know what, pregnancy did do a number on my body, but I realize that I would never have had the amazing little baby that I have if I didn't go through that experience. And, I don't feel like I have lost my identity. People can say that I've turned into "that mom" all day. I am "that mom" who loves her child more than anything. But I am also "that mom" who still has a job, and interests outside of having a child and friends who both have and don't have kids. I don't feel like anything is lost right now. If anything I feel more fulfilled than ever. Well, finances could be better, but again, it's helping me to realize the real priorites in life.

5. How do you define your Identity? By your kids? Spouse? Career? I've never put much stock into this kind of a question. Before I was a mom, I wasn't all about my career (I've never been a career woman - ever). I have an amazing husband, but I'm not "Steve's wife". I'm just "Carrie". Some people know me as a mom, some people know me as a co-worker, some people know me as a family member. I honestly have never craved a title of any type, and I am not striving to reach for one either.

6. Can you believe that you were created with amazing potential and with gifts that only you can bring to the table? If not, what's holding you back from embracing this truth? You know, this is an interesting question. I was so into music in high school. I won all of the top honors that I could win and everyone assumed I'd play my flute professionally. If you want to talk about identity, 10-15 years ago (wow, that long!) I was "the musical one". I also used to draw all of the time. I was really into art. I guess that all changed when I got to college. While I was a big duck in a small pond in high school, suddenly I was a very very small duck. And, I just didn't want to play my flute 8 hours a day. Suddenly it wasn't enjoyable any more. So, I kind of got lost in what I wanted to do with my life and I've spent my whole adult life bouncing from one career to another. I haven't even picked up my flute in probably 5 years. So much baggage attached to that thing. I don't know what's holding me back from playing it. I guess the fact that I never achieved what was expected out of me. But, on the other hand, I am not at all disappointed with where I am in my life. I honestly have no regrets. If I had a job with say like the ISO (yeah right!), I wouldn't have evenings and weekends to myself. And, I'd probably miss out on a lot of what would happen with my family life. Does this mean that I am setting myself up to have nothing when my kids leave home? No, I don't think so. I have a great resume.. and I am still working part time. I do have a life beyond what lies at home.

1 comment:

Cathy said...

It's funny how all our history, puts us in just the right place and time to be the perfect parent for our baby.