Thursday, November 5, 2009

Leave It To Me To Be The One In A Million

I debated back and forth about blogging about this, since it is way personal, but I figured that maybe someone can at least gain some useful knowledge from my post.

So, as I blogged about last month, we are trying to have a sibling for Brett. We haven't been trying too long, and I really have kind of resigned myself to the fact that it probably won't happen anytime in the near future and to try to be patient.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I knew I was close to knowing whether we were pregnant or not. I tested on a Thursday and got a negative, but then I decided to test on Friday to see what the result would be. I woke up shortly after Steve left for work and tested (since it is recommended to test first thing in the morning). Now, I don't bother with the tests that give the pink lines because they can be a bit confusing. I buy the tests that SPELL OUT whether you are pregnant or not. They cost a bit more, but I figure they are about as "for sure" as you can get. So, anyway, after about 30 seconds, I get this result...

I was ecstatic and freaking out at the same time. You know, they say a positive home pregnancy test these days is as good as having your doc confirm it. So, I called Steve immediately and texted my BFF. I was so not expecting this. I then dropped B off at my parents so I could go to work, and I told them too. (I mean, how can I NOT share this news with my closest friends and family).

Then after work we told Steve's parents and our siblings. So exciting, we were going to be parents again! I was already picking out names in my head and calculating the due date and all. I called my doctor to schedule an appointment and got my prescription called in for my prenatals. Yay, Yay! I was in pregnancyland bliss.

But then Saturday night I started spotting. Okay, I know this can happen, right? It's not uncommon. I watched it stay about the same until Sunday night when it was much more than spotting. I freaked out. I mean, what? I was scared to death. So, the next morning with a huge knot in my stomach I called the doctor. I knew at this point I couldn't continue to carry a baby with the way things were progressing. I was certain I was having a miscarriage. Suddenly, my hopes and dreams of this baby were dashed and I was mourning the loss of this little one. I went to my doctor in a daze and had them do a blood draw. It was horrible and so sad. I was all by myself, feeling like I was having a miscarriage, NOT a good combination. Thankfully, my friend Cathy caught on that something was awry with me and was so wonderful to meet me with lunch and hugs and friendship. Just what I needed. I didn't need to hear "if it sticks, it sticks, if it doesn't it doesn't", I needed someone with a sympathetic ear, and Cathy was THAT person. For that I am so grateful. My BFF was there for me too with her sympathetic ear too, and I was happy for that as well, but the difference is that she lives 300 miles away!

Anyway, I was told that I would have an answer Tuesday. I had to wait, but I knew that the answer would not be good. I knew I'd lost this baby for sure. So, I had a knot in my stomach all Tuesday morning until I got the call from my doctor. What she said made me take a step back and say "what". Apparently I had gotten a FALSE POSITIVE, as they found no trace of pregnancy hormones in my blood to begin with. Are you kidding me???? Reference the picture above. Seriously??? 1. I didn't think that could happen, and 2. I took the easiest test you could read. My immediate reaction was thankfulness, that I hadn't lost a baby at all. I was so glad that there wasn't anything there to begin with. But then my next reaction was of embarrassment.

Embarrassment because I had told like 10 people and I had to tell them that I was just plain wrong. It was like I was stupid for even thinking I was pregnant when in fact a pregnancy never existed. Embarrassment that my friends had spent time and money helping me through this, and it was all a sham. Back in college, there was a girl who told everyone she had cancer and got everyone's sympathy and then we all found out she lied. For a day or two I kind of felt like her. Not a good feeling, especially since everyone was so angry at her when the truth was uncovered.

So, anyway, it's been a week or so and I finally feel a little better and have new perspective on things, but let this be a lesson to you, take like 3 positive pregnancy tests before you call your doctor and tell your friends because I am living, breathing, walking proof that FALSE POSITIVES do in fact happen to people!


Cathy said...

Good for you for talking about it. You are really brave for laying it all out here. I find blogging to be therapeutic, and I hope you do too. And don't feel bad about it with me, because whatever it turned out to be, it was a crappy day, and you needed friends. And Friends don't care what the source, we're there when you need us. A friend will be there when your hair won't stay right, let alone when you Really Need someone.

Andrea said...

It is not even remotely the same thing as that girl in college. You had every reason to believe that you were pregnant and every reason to believe you might be losing that pregnancy. She just lied to get attention.

I am glad that you are feeling better, but I still suggest you call and tell the pregnancy test company that you got a false positive from their test.

SlyGly said...

I'm sorry that you went through all that! And this doesn't compare at ALL to that other person. Wonder what's she's doing now, anyway?

Rebecca said...

Sorry to hear that you had to experience all of that...but thankful in the end that it was a false positive. Can't wait to hear for real that you are expecting!

amypfan said...

Oh, Carrie, I am just now getting caught up on reading blogs and just saw this. I am SO sorry to hear this. I mean, it's better than the alternative, but I still completely understand how crushed and miserable you must have been feeling. If you want to talk, give me a call. I can't wait to see you Thursday!!