I debated back and forth about blogging about this, since it is way personal, but I figured that maybe someone can at least gain some useful knowledge from my post.
So, as I blogged about last month, we are trying to have a sibling for Brett. We haven't been trying too long, and I really have kind of resigned myself to the fact that it probably won't happen anytime in the near future and to try to be patient.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I knew I was close to knowing whether we were pregnant or not. I tested on a Thursday and got a negative, but then I decided to test on Friday to see what the result would be. I woke up shortly after Steve left for work and tested (since it is recommended to test first thing in the morning). Now, I don't bother with the tests that give the pink lines because they can be a bit confusing. I buy the tests that SPELL OUT whether you are pregnant or not. They cost a bit more, but I figure they are about as "for sure" as you can get. So, anyway, after about 30 seconds, I get this result...
I was ecstatic and freaking out at the same time. You know, they say a positive home pregnancy test these days is as good as having your doc confirm it. So, I called Steve immediately and texted my BFF. I was so not expecting this. I then dropped B off at my parents so I could go to work, and I told them too. (I mean, how can I NOT share this news with my closest friends and family).
Then after work we told Steve's parents and our siblings. So exciting, we were going to be parents again! I was already picking out names in my head and calculating the due date and all. I called my doctor to schedule an appointment and got my prescription called in for my prenatals. Yay, Yay! I was in pregnancyland bliss.
But then Saturday night I started spotting. Okay, I know this can happen, right? It's not uncommon. I watched it stay about the same until Sunday night when it was much more than spotting. I freaked out. I mean, what? I was scared to death. So, the next morning with a huge knot in my stomach I called the doctor. I knew at this point I couldn't continue to carry a baby with the way things were progressing. I was certain I was having a miscarriage. Suddenly, my hopes and dreams of this baby were dashed and I was mourning the loss of this little one. I went to my doctor in a daze and had them do a blood draw. It was horrible and so sad. I was all by myself, feeling like I was having a miscarriage, NOT a good combination. Thankfully, my friend Cathy caught on that something was awry with me and was so wonderful to meet me with lunch and hugs and friendship. Just what I needed. I didn't need to hear "if it sticks, it sticks, if it doesn't it doesn't", I needed someone with a sympathetic ear, and Cathy was THAT person. For that I am so grateful. My BFF was there for me too with her sympathetic ear too, and I was happy for that as well, but the difference is that she lives 300 miles away!
Anyway, I was told that I would have an answer Tuesday. I had to wait, but I knew that the answer would not be good. I knew I'd lost this baby for sure. So, I had a knot in my stomach all Tuesday morning until I got the call from my doctor. What she said made me take a step back and say "what". Apparently I had gotten a FALSE POSITIVE, as they found no trace of pregnancy hormones in my blood to begin with. Are you kidding me???? Reference the picture above. Seriously??? 1. I didn't think that could happen, and 2. I took the easiest test you could read. My immediate reaction was thankfulness, that I hadn't lost a baby at all. I was so glad that there wasn't anything there to begin with. But then my next reaction was of embarrassment.
Embarrassment because I had told like 10 people and I had to tell them that I was just plain wrong. It was like I was stupid for even thinking I was pregnant when in fact a pregnancy never existed. Embarrassment that my friends had spent time and money helping me through this, and it was all a sham. Back in college, there was a girl who told everyone she had cancer and got everyone's sympathy and then we all found out she lied. For a day or two I kind of felt like her. Not a good feeling, especially since everyone was so angry at her when the truth was uncovered.
So, anyway, it's been a week or so and I finally feel a little better and have new perspective on things, but let this be a lesson to you, take like 3 positive pregnancy tests before you call your doctor and tell your friends because I am living, breathing, walking proof that FALSE POSITIVES do in fact happen to people!
