Something doesn't feel right with me lately. I don't know exactly how to tangibly describe it other than, "Am I living in a dream?" "Am I really still alive?". Things just seem blurry and trance-like. I don't even feel large doses of major emotions. Like, when my iPod was stolen. I was immediately upset but not to the LEVEL that I should have been upset. Kind of like the U2 song, "Numb". Or, if you've seen my favorite movie "Garden State".. remember that scene in the beginning of the movie where he's drifting through his life, aimlessly walking into work and not caring about anything? That feels like me.
I am not sure what causes this. I am hoping I don't have like a weird brain tumor or something. Ever since this past summer, my vision has been a bit blurry. Fine... maybe I need to go to the eye doctor. But, especially lately, everything seems to be covered with a thin film. I want to reach out and touch things to make sure that they actually do exist. Wow, writing this makes me think something IS really wrong with me.
I worry about driving. I HATE driving anyway... but I'm more concerned about it now. For example, last weekend, my mom had me run to Clay Terrace for her. I don't particularly like driving in Clay Terrace.. all of the roundabouts and crazy people crossing. I thought I would hit someone. It feels like I'm kind of driving in my sleep.
I told my mom about my concerns and she said that when she is incredibly exhausted, she feels the same way. Maybe it's new mother fatigue? An interesting point on my fatigue now too... it's changed. When I get tired, I don't feel like I have to sleep, like I used to. Maybe it's because I know I have to be there for my baby?
Anyway, I'm going to the doctor for an annual physical next Wednesday and I'm hoping she'll have some answers, because I'm really hoping the brain tumor (or something like that) theory isn't true. Let's hope anyway...