Losing It

The baby weight that is :). And, I'm not talking about the Kaia baby weight...that came off as soon as she came out. I mean, the Brett weight...the really OLD, like 3 year old baby weight.

Yeah, I USED to be skinny. I ate right...I exercised every day. And then I got pregnant and threw everything I knew about everything out the window.

See, my vice is food. I know for some people it is alcohol or drugs or any number of things...for me, a Reese Cup sends me into a tizzy (and now I REALLY want one now that I am thinking about it). I have also never had a "healthy" relationship with food. When I was in high school someone said I was "fat" (which at 5'3 and 130 pounds, I NOW beg to differ) so, I felt horrible and became almost anorexic. I'd count every calorie that went into my mouth and got down to a super skinny frame. Well, in college I gained the lovely freshman 15 and then some.....but I never had a healthy relationship with food. If I was stressed or tired or bored, food was there to comfort me.

So, after I'd finally had as firm of a grip as I'd ever had on this eating thing/body image...I got pregnant. And what comes with pregnancy? Lots of worries, and feeling bad and all of that. Plus cravings! It didn't help that I read the Jenny McCarthy book in which she ate a pan of brownies every day. I guess I decided I really needed to eat for 2...and I put on a whopping 60 pounds during that pregnancy.

I did lose some of it, yeah, but I didn't work terribly hard to get the rest off. I was stressed about having a young baby and breaking him... plus I was nursing (which I used as an excuse the first time around I think), and I was on a horrible medicine that is known for making people fat. And, I guess that I wasn't all that intent on becoming skinny again because I knew that we wanted another baby and I would just get fat again.

Well, that was all also compounded by trying to sell our house 2 summers ago. Even though the market was horrible, we thought we'd try anyway. What a mistake! We had 96 showings over 6 months...with 2 dogs and a toddler it was arguably the most stressful period of my life. We also ate out almost every night because it seemed someone was coming out to see the house. It is going to be a LONG time before I want to put myself through that again. We never did sell the house. So, I put a few MORE pounds back on during that time due to stress and eating out.

And then, shortly after it went off the market (it had been less than 2 months) I got pregnant again. And I wasn't a small girl this time around. In fact, it was one year ago tomorrow that I went for my first Dr. appointment and was HORRIFIED when I saw the number on the scale. From the get go I ate more healthy, but it still wasn't enough to combat the Gestational Diabetes that eventually happened. Would I have still gotten it if I was skinny before I got pregnant? I can't say for sure (Diabetes DOES run in my family), but I'm sure the weight didn't help. But in a twisted way, the GD WAS a good thing. I felt much better after I got diagnosed and under control, and I only ended up gaining net 8 POUNDS during this pregnancy.

So it was great to see that I had lost a whopping 27 pounds at my 6 week appointment. Well I haven't weighed myself since, and the holidays happened and all....but now that it's all over, I'm going to FINALLY loose the rest of this weight.

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions...I see it as a set up for failure....however I am setting a goal to be back into some of my old 2's and 4's by Kaia's first birthday. I realize my body has changed and I probably won't fit into it all, but some would be nice.

So, I've found this awesome website - babyfit. com. It tells you how many calories as a nursing mom you need to eat per day to keep up your milk production. So, I have been food journaling on the site as well as getting back into my old fitness habits. I used to lift weights a few times a week (I've been doing that) as well as pilates (I tried it again for the first time Sunday) and then running on our treadmill (okay, I'm only up to walking, but still it's good for now).

I can already tell my pants are looser and I've moved down a size. I probably won't hit the scale for awhile as this makes me obsessed with the number...but I can see progress so far.

So, that's what I've been up to lately...focusing on getting down to my pre-pregnancy size. We are like 95% sure we are DONE having kids so I have no more excuses! Plus, since I have a little girl now I feel like I need to set a good body image for her, and I don't want her to have a fat mama.

Wish me luck!!!!

Like Mother, Like Daughter - Part II

So, this post is a continuation of my amazement of how Kaia's baby pictures continue to look like mine. Again, not identically, but enough to make me look twice. Her eyes are larger, and she has her daddy's widow peak, but I'd argue the rest is all pretty darn similar...even down to skin tone, hair and eye color.

I found this pic of myself at 7 months...so a little older than Kaia is currently, but the expressions were similar so I had to post it.



Sometimes when I look at her I swear it's like looking in a mirror :)

Kaia's 4 Month Appointment

Well, 4 1/2 months is more like it. But anyway, the doctor said that the percentages were accurate based on her birth date not her "4 month appointment"

So here's the latest and greatest stats for Miss K:

Weight: 14 lbs. 12.8 oz - 66%

Length: 25 1/4 inches - 75%

Head: 41.6 cm - 59%

So, she's definitely a growing little girl. Her favorite hobby continues to be eating, so these numbers come as no surprise.

She's also at a "fun" stage...she's rolled over from tummy to back but she's not more mobile than that right now, however she is solid..this kiddo is not a noodley baby. She's been in her exersaucer for over a month now, as she prefers to "stand". She has tons of smiles and giggles to share and is such a "people person" already. The ONLY thing that would make it all perfect right now is for her to sleep through the night. That still has not happened. She is 19 weeks old, and Brett was sleeping through the night at 12 weeks....I'm desperate for a single night of sleep, but we are getting by. She normally wakes once between 1 - 3 to eat and then one more time at 5 or 6, so if she could just drop t he middle of the night feeding, we'd be okay. And, no, she hates bottles...it's all mommy all the time...so Steve feeding her in the middle of the night isn't an option. Oh well, I keep telling myself she WILL sleep through the night....EVENTUALLY.

And, here's the latest teddy bear chair pic!

Christmas in Chicago Part II

The rest of the weekend was spent at Steve's parent's house. We took it easy by ringing in the New Year there and just resting up. The kiddos had fun as usual, and got lots of loot from Grandma and Grandpa .

We stayed through Steve's birthday, and he and I got to see Black Swan together at the Chicagoland version of Hollywood Bar and Filmworks. We used to LOVE the Indy location but they closed it :(. However, the owners opened one literally within a 10 minute drive of Steve's parents house, so we try to catch movies there when we can.

Following are more pics of kiddos opening presents. The last pic I couldn't resist...another pic from my Wordless Wednesday bunch. Kaia looks like a twin to her new Cabbage Patch Kid!

Christmas In Chicago

On New Year's Eve, Steve and I went up to Chicago for a few days with his family for Christmas. The very first event was that day...the ginormous extended family Christmas. Every year it grows and grows and grows with all of the new family members. This year, his cousins Kim and Rachel also had babies...also girls! Yes, it was a very good year for baby girls. While I didn't get a picture of brand new baby Allison (she was 2 weeks old!), I got some of Khloe and Kaia...Kim's baby Khloe was born 10 days before Kaia and this was the first time we've gotten them together.

The first two are of Kaia and Khloe...I'm looking forward to getting these two together from now on to see how they are growing...

Wordless Wednesday

Christmas Morning

Here are a few cute pictures from Christmas morning.

It really felt like our family was complete this year. I got Kaia a stocking (hers has an angel, Brett's has a reindeer) and a baby's first Christmas ornament and rounded out the tree with her own "Kaia" ornament (Steve, Brett and I all have our own name ornament).

The kids had a great time opening gifts. Brett really got into it this year, and was surprised to see the empty glass of milk and empty plate that Santa left after he ate his cookies. Kaia seemed to engage in the baby toys we gave her and she seems to love her new giant Cheer Bear (even though it is like 5 times bigger than she currently is).

As usual, cuteness to follow.... (and yes, that is a new giant cheetah for Brett :))

Christmas At The Zoo

Wednesday night we did Christmas at The Zoo. We went last year when it was a little nicer. This year December has just been brutally cold, and it was down to crunch time so we just went even thought it was freezing. We didn't stay very long, but were there long enough for the kiddos to enjoy the lights and take in the special Christmas dolphin show. I think they both at least enjoyed themselves as much as they could. I was mainly worried about Kaia staying warm enough...I don't have tiny mittens for her, so I was holding her hands in my gloved hands the entire time. Please check out the adorable knitted cap with ears that my friend Mandy made for Kaia.

Anyway, cuteness to follow....

Where I Am

I have come to the realization that I tend to write meatier more thought-out posts when I am pregnant than when I'm not. Part of it is due to the sheer exhaustion of having little babies and my brain not working....being barely able to get cute pics of the kiddos up. But I think that when I am pregnant, I just want to vent.

Anyway, no, in case you were wondering, I am NOT pregnant (and don't have future plans to be), but I've been reflecting on where I am in my life lately.

I have changed. A lot. Pre-kiddo Carrie was always worried about my job and not liking it, and wondering where my career would lead. I was also super focused on being skinny and put alot of my self worth on whether I could squeeze into my size 2 jeans or not. Now, I am 30 pounds heavier, and while I would really like to take the weight off (oh yes, I REALLY would), I am not devistated by it, and I don't base my worth of a person on a number on the scale.

I also don't worry so much about career. I never seemed to find a job I was truly happy with after college. I'd see my friends (and my husband) find their niches, and I just never fit into the work world. Now, I am working part time at a flexible well paying job, but my job isn't anywhere near the focus of my life that it used to be. I know this will sound odd, but instead of being jealous of "so and so from my past" being a doctor or a lawyer or the head of their own company, I am actually happy for those people and their success, and grateful to know so many from my past in so many different professions. It actually comes in handy...when I'm on Facebook and I need advice from someone with certain expertise, I have someone to turn to!

And the most interesting change in my outlook is how kids have rocked my whole world. I used to be TERRIFIED of having kids. I thought it would be the end of my life if I ever got pregnant. I thought it would wreck my body (it did). I thought it would drain us financially (it does). I thought it would take away our freedom to go out whenever we want (oh, yes, definitely). But you know what? I don't really mind all that much! Because in so many ways, I haven't felt like I've truly lived until I had my kiddos within the past 3 years. Now instead of worrying about my makeup and what I am wearing to go out on a Friday night, I am at home in sweats holding a 3 month old baby who may or may not have covered me in spit-up, but has a glowing smile on her face. Instead of counting every calorie, I am sharing cookies with a silly 2 year old who loves his mommy. It's not glamorous, but man is it fulfilling.

And, yes, being a mom is also the HARDEST job I've ever had. It's especially tough when I have a tantrum throwing 2 year old and a baby who still isn't sleeping through the night. Most of the time the two of them ride in the car together, they feed off of each other and scream and cry for the entire ride. And when I am sick (as I am today), I don't get a day off to just lay in bed. No, I still have 2 little ones who depend on me. But don't the most challenging tasks reap the greatest rewards? I have never loved two beings in my entire life as much as I love my little kiddos. And, I look forward to seeing them grow and have families of their own. I think back on my initial feelings of life ending if we had kids, and now I feel just the opposite. Now I can't imagine my life without them.

Anyway, deep thought for today...now back to my regularly scheduled mommy-brain :).

Some cute photos from our Christmas card shoot

I took like 90, so here are just a few shots that may have or may not have made the card...just ignore the red eye on the unedited versions.

It was definitely a challenge to get both kiddos to stay still and smile...neither did it at the same time. Oh, and Kaia spit up on both dresses we put her in...I managed to salvage this one for a few shots.