Thursday, January 20, 2011

Losing It

The baby weight that is :). And, I'm not talking about the Kaia baby weight...that came off as soon as she came out. I mean, the Brett weight...the really OLD, like 3 year old baby weight.

Yeah, I USED to be skinny. I ate right...I exercised every day. And then I got pregnant and threw everything I knew about everything out the window.

See, my vice is food. I know for some people it is alcohol or drugs or any number of things...for me, a Reese Cup sends me into a tizzy (and now I REALLY want one now that I am thinking about it). I have also never had a "healthy" relationship with food. When I was in high school someone said I was "fat" (which at 5'3 and 130 pounds, I NOW beg to differ) so, I felt horrible and became almost anorexic. I'd count every calorie that went into my mouth and got down to a super skinny frame. Well, in college I gained the lovely freshman 15 and then some.....but I never had a healthy relationship with food. If I was stressed or tired or bored, food was there to comfort me.

So, after I'd finally had as firm of a grip as I'd ever had on this eating thing/body image...I got pregnant. And what comes with pregnancy? Lots of worries, and feeling bad and all of that. Plus cravings! It didn't help that I read the Jenny McCarthy book in which she ate a pan of brownies every day. I guess I decided I really needed to eat for 2...and I put on a whopping 60 pounds during that pregnancy.

I did lose some of it, yeah, but I didn't work terribly hard to get the rest off. I was stressed about having a young baby and breaking him... plus I was nursing (which I used as an excuse the first time around I think), and I was on a horrible medicine that is known for making people fat. And, I guess that I wasn't all that intent on becoming skinny again because I knew that we wanted another baby and I would just get fat again.

Well, that was all also compounded by trying to sell our house 2 summers ago. Even though the market was horrible, we thought we'd try anyway. What a mistake! We had 96 showings over 6 months...with 2 dogs and a toddler it was arguably the most stressful period of my life. We also ate out almost every night because it seemed someone was coming out to see the house. It is going to be a LONG time before I want to put myself through that again. We never did sell the house. So, I put a few MORE pounds back on during that time due to stress and eating out.

And then, shortly after it went off the market (it had been less than 2 months) I got pregnant again. And I wasn't a small girl this time around. In fact, it was one year ago tomorrow that I went for my first Dr. appointment and was HORRIFIED when I saw the number on the scale. From the get go I ate more healthy, but it still wasn't enough to combat the Gestational Diabetes that eventually happened. Would I have still gotten it if I was skinny before I got pregnant? I can't say for sure (Diabetes DOES run in my family), but I'm sure the weight didn't help. But in a twisted way, the GD WAS a good thing. I felt much better after I got diagnosed and under control, and I only ended up gaining net 8 POUNDS during this pregnancy.

So it was great to see that I had lost a whopping 27 pounds at my 6 week appointment. Well I haven't weighed myself since, and the holidays happened and all....but now that it's all over, I'm going to FINALLY loose the rest of this weight.

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions...I see it as a set up for failure....however I am setting a goal to be back into some of my old 2's and 4's by Kaia's first birthday. I realize my body has changed and I probably won't fit into it all, but some would be nice.

So, I've found this awesome website - babyfit. com. It tells you how many calories as a nursing mom you need to eat per day to keep up your milk production. So, I have been food journaling on the site as well as getting back into my old fitness habits. I used to lift weights a few times a week (I've been doing that) as well as pilates (I tried it again for the first time Sunday) and then running on our treadmill (okay, I'm only up to walking, but still it's good for now).

I can already tell my pants are looser and I've moved down a size. I probably won't hit the scale for awhile as this makes me obsessed with the number...but I can see progress so far.

So, that's what I've been up to lately...focusing on getting down to my pre-pregnancy size. We are like 95% sure we are DONE having kids so I have no more excuses! Plus, since I have a little girl now I feel like I need to set a good body image for her, and I don't want her to have a fat mama.

Wish me luck!!!!


Robin said...

You can do it! I was super skinny by Mabel's first birthday. I had resolved to only have 2 kids at that point and I wasn't about to keep the baby weight on. Hahaha. Good luck. You will have this thing done in no time. Oh, and if it makes you feel better, in highschool everyone said I was a big girl at 5'8 and 140 lbs. Stupid kids.

Andrea said...

I think it's great that you want to show your children a healthy mama and a healthy relationship with food. Good luck!

Cathy said...

I wish you the very best, being in the same boat myself. However, instead of thinking of yourself as "Being Fat" and focusing on the weight, let's focus on "Getting Healthy" and being models of Healthy parents for our kids. Healthy parents eating healthy. Not problems with food, not 'fat'.
Check out this blog from some Christian writers, I think may help, Made to Crave: